Written by B.T. Balls on 29 December 2010
Balls, on the other hand, will here publish a list of specific, measurable predictions for 2011 and encourage readers to monitor progress throughout the New Year. If any of my predictions fail to come to pass I will stage a public stoning on the grounds of the Balls estate, much to the delight of my many enemies around the globe. I promise that the highly hyped pay-per-view stoning, should it take place, will also manage to somehow materially marginalize the city of Cleveland. Here are ten predictions guaranteed to come to pass in 2011: [Read the rest of this article...]
Written by B.T. Balls on 02 December 2010
A cursory reading of your latest work reaffirms my fervent belief that governments around the world are populated with hordes of nitwits plucked from the unhappy end of the bell curve. Now these nitwits, particularly those of American persuasion, are mad as hornets and determined to bring your spying days to a swift and painful ending. Take comfort in knowing that their full fervor and resources have been directed at finding a 6’5” dialysis patient for the last nine years with nary a trace of success! [Read the rest of this article...]
Written by B.T. Balls on 20 July 2010
The temporary reprieve we have recently enjoyed from the maniacal spending on Capitol Hill came to a predictable and painful end today, when the leftys in charge swore in their newest embezzler! Newbie West Virginia Senator Carte Goodwin, aptly named since Democrats always put the spending cart in front of the fiscal horse, cast the vote to break a heroic Republican filibuster. [Read the rest of this article...]
Written by B.T. Balls on 12 July 2010
Nonetheless, Balls has a deep appreciation for the propensity of my southern friends to vote my way every election day! All Balls has to do is run a few low-budget ads mentioning a homosexual here or a threatened fetus there to mobilize millions of blue collar southerners to gleefully support cutting capital gains, slashing regulations on business, ending the estate tax, expanding offshore drilling, etc., etc.! Unlike my Great Grandfather, Balls is grateful for political allies wherever they happen to live in this great country of ours! Perhaps Jethro and Balls can do-si-do down to the polls this November and together usher in the age of the glorious flat tax! -Balls [Read the rest of this article...]
Written by B.T. Balls on 04 July 2010
The most recent jobs report was as dreary and dismal as Balls predicted. The only two occupations in the US that showed notable growth were census workers and bird washers! The much-hyped stimulus plan of this wrong-headed administration has stimulated nothing but fear in the hearts of small business owners like Balls. It is apparent [Read the rest of this article...]
Written by B.T. Balls on 20 June 2010
Balls International Industries has an opening available for a stooge. Primary undercover role will be to infiltrate employee cliques and report back to management, but other misc. stooging is expected. The successful candidate will exude shiftiness, excel at backstabbing, and must be a natural liar. [Read the rest of this article...]
