‘B.T. Balls’ POV’ Articles

General-Purpose Stooge Needed

General-Purpose Stooge Needed

Balls International Industries has an opening available for a stooge. Primary undercover role will be to infiltrate employee cliques and report back to management, but other misc. stooging is expected. The successful candidate will exude shiftiness, excel at backstabbing, and must be a natural liar. [Read the rest of this article...]

President Barton

President Barton

Texas Representative Joe Barton, who surely has a management position waiting for him at Balls International Industries when he decides to become gainfully employed, briefly lit a candle in the darkness of Capitol Hill yesterday with his sweet, elegant apology to the unjustly accused, vastly under-appreciated BP CEO Tony Hayward. Who is this visionary, and where was he when Balls was rousted from bed and “shaken down” by that ravenous pack of jackals on so many occasions? [Read the rest of this article...]

Balls International Industries: Now Hiring

Balls International Industries: Now Hiring

We are in the midst of some challenging economic times, primarily because a legion of low-income leaches deceived their way into row homes they simply did not deserve to own. That said, Balls International Industries is expanding yet again and we are looking for worthy team members. Be prepared to answer the following questions during our rigorous screening process: [Read the rest of this article...]

On Competition, Cancer & Charity

On Competition, Cancer & Charity

Leftys typically embrace the benefits of capitalism while railing against the less palatable byproducts, like a child who loves the view from a rooftop but snivels about the ascent of a few steps. These naive flower children fail to understand that all of the pennies and well wishes of the hackysack crowd are dwarfed by the single stroke of a true capitalist’s pen. The same imbeciles who squealed about the firm handling of a labor dispute at Carnegie Steel later stood in line to benefit from a share of Mr. Carnegie’s profits. [Read the rest of this article...]

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Minimum Wage

Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Minimum Wage

Rip open the borders, I say! Build a vast network of walking bridges across the Rio Grande and welcome these doe-eyed dreamers with open arms! Balls International Industries will have a fleet of cargo vans waiting to whisk away our new work force to our pristine facilities! Nothing would please me more than to issue a proclamation to fire the entire tawdry pack of union-loving jackals that is devouring our shareholders’ profits and suckling at the teat of the Balls fortune! No more bottom-feeding whistle blowers! Long forgotten will be the whiny, safety goggle-donning, naysaying OSHA devotees! And a special farewell to the vacation-loving, health insurance-needing, Facebook-trolling-on-company-time weasels who flee the building at the [Read the rest of this article...]

The Unspoken Truths of the BP Mishap

The Unspoken Truths of the BP Mishap

The cleanup costs unfairly imposed on BP will simply be passed on to consumers when they fill up their hideous economy cars at the pump. What’s the answer, you ask? It would make pure economic sense to use taxpayer money for the entire cleanup, and also for the necessary public relations blitz to restore BP’s unfairly soiled image. [Read the rest of this article...]

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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