Anchor Babies

Will be a Balls stooge in 20 years!

Balls has been a faithful and generous supporter of the Special Olympics for years, so donating large sums of money to the Tea Party Patriots has a very familiar feel. One of these two organizations focuses on motivating mentally-challenged individuals to grasp concepts well beyond their cognitive limitations, and the other helps athletes with intellectual disabilities come together to compete. Donations to the Special Olympics have the pleasant impact of reducing my taxable income, while donations to the Tea Party Patriots empower the less fortunate to lobby Congress to lower my marginal tax rate!

While TPP gatherings sometimes have the appearance of a Beverly Hillbillies episode gone awry, their laser-like focus on tax reduction has captured my affection. I must also admit that their appetite for beautiful, uncomplicated women has also captured my attention! Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann, and Christine O’Donnell remind me of another classic TV show – Charlie’s Angels! In fact, Balls and other business leaders relate to these three beauties in a similar fashion to the way Charlie guided his angels – providing clear marching orders over the phone and anonymously bankrolling their hi jinx from a safe distance.

However, Balls will cease and desist from further donations to the TPP if one position held by the faithful is not soon reversed. It seems that the constitution-loving patriots want to repeal the 14th amendment, which is akin to a Bible-toting fundamentalist saying they want to repeal the Book of John! The issue at hand, my friends, is granting U.S. citizenship solely because someone is born in the USA. “Anchor Baby” is a pejorative term used to describe the blessed event of a future Balls International Industries employee being born into a family of current, less legal Balls International employees. The firm currently saves millions by paying a fair wage under the table to these faithful workhorses instead of being held hostage by a greedy pack of union jackals! These Spanglish-spouting minions are the only reason Balls can justify having any plants remaining in the United States!

The TPP apparently wants to drive Balls International Industries completely offshore by choking off the only domestic supply of reasonably priced labor. Balls guarantees that we will not be increasing our hourly wages per employee from thirteen cents all the way up to the extravagant minimum wage! We believe that our brown, illegal friends are not subject to our minimum wage nor our child labor laws. George W understood that it’s in the best interest of the business community for the federal government to look the other way when Paco hops the fence and tiptoes over to the closest Balls HR department. We were home free when the birth of Paco Jr. made the relocation more kosher, so much so that we set changed the break rooms at our facilities into breeding rooms! Now the TPP wants to send Paco Jr. and my entire assembly line back across the border. In the immortal words of Jeffrey Lebowski, THIS WILL NOT STAND! -Balls

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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