OK, What’s the Deal?

No, really. What’s up with the sudden “I need to be free” routine by women? Only last week we reported on a boob freedom day at Venice Beach, just west of Santa Monica Boulevard. Now, we get another, “People of Planet Earth, I have something I want to share with you,” day, this time in Guelph, Ontario, southwest of Toronto. Is this some kind of International movement to overexpose breasts? Has it always been like this and I was just inattentive?

Many moons ago during the Women’s liberation movements of the 60’s and ’70’s, bra-burning was a pretty big social event. Off came the bras, out came the hooters, and it made for good media, not to mention a very entertaining lunch break. Except, then it was just the bras while the blouses and shirts stayed on. Nay nay, not today’s movements. Supposedly this is being promoted under the banner of equality. Equality to be “one of the guys” who can legally dispose of their shirts and expose their breasts. That’s nice, but is it necessary?

Using my personal experience to base my thoughts of breast exposure in public situations, such as cocktail parties and dinners, I am confused. Example: sitting at dinner in a very public Chamber of Commerce event, I was forced to spend the evening in a very difficult eye-averting contest with my boss’s wife (since divorced). She was dressed very attractively, but was not “on-the-prowl” at that time; upon mature reflection, maybe she was, but I was the wrong guy at the wrong time. So anyway, she has on a low-cut dress that has a nasty habit of pushing itself away from the body when in the sitting position. That is, clearly and cleanly exposing her breasts if one is sitting directly beside her. Can you say uncomfortable? I know you can.

Well, we sit down for dinner after a drink or two. I forget, but 10 or 12 of us at the rectangular table, chitting and chatting about whatnot. Turning to my right, just wanting to say hello to the wife, wife of my boss, the BIG boss, not an intermediate boss, but the big guy, I am presented with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to zee Kit Kat Klub, and here zay are, Zee Girls!”

Inadvertent staring at exposed breasts can not be held against guys. It can not. There they were, all tucked in to the built-in bra of the dress. Pleasantly, quietly resting. Peaceful, yet screaming for attention. Loudly. And my eyes could not resist, they just couldn’t. I did my absolute best to maintain eye contact when speaking to here. Yet, at my angle, slightly looking down to her, conversation was a difficult fight. My eyes must have been twitching in an effort to stay above the No-Look-Zone, because the more I tried, to more obvious it was that tension was in the air. In her defense, it didn’t take long for her to figure out that her dress had turned on her. One minute a flattering friend, the next an embarrassing enemy.

This was dinner. A long dinner. 2500 people were being fed. Followed by interminable speeches. And the entire time, temptation sat next to me, calling out my name. Inaudibly to those around me, but in the decibel range of an AC/DC concert to me. And all because of two breasts. Hidden yet exposed, tantalizingly close, yet out of reach. It was a long, long night.

And now this. Women pushing the envelope to expose their breasts, while simultaneously expressing concern that guys who stare at their breasts are most unwelcome. Sunglasses and cameras were viewed with disdain in Guelph, “If you are here just to see boobs and be creepy, we encourage you to move on.” We are taking about bare nekked boobs in the middle of town on a Saturday afternoon. What are you expecting? “Oh for Gawd sakes, those things are out again. Would you PLEASE put some clothes on.” I don’t think so.

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And now for something completely different. A new study sez that both moderate and heavy drinkers live longer that non-drinkers. Imagine that. Based on just this information alone, college students throughout the land have been given confirmation that attending some schools, such as Penn State, University of Miami (FL), and Texas, will extend your life, versus attending say, Brigham Young, Villanova, or Liberty. Not that there’s anything wrong with tee-totalling…it just shortens your life.

And on that note, it is time to “extend my life” with an adult beverage. Hmmmm, which essential food group should I select this evening: beer, wine, or spirits?

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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