Tatas Desire to Be Free

We have selected a “user friendly” or at least a web friendly picture of a nude beach  to open this commentary. A few weeks ago we ever so briefly posted a picture of, actually, I have no idea what it was we posted, other than a totally nude woman, standing in a field making a pumping-iron gesture with her left arm, while holding and looking at a pitchfork in her right hand. It was a great, great picture. I laughed until I cried when I saw it. It was absurd because it had no meaning other than this woman was very, very proud of herself, as in, I am Woman, hear me roar. 

It did not, however, amuse our highly educated, quite generous, always spot on, Editor. He thought that I was attempting to turn this Post into a porno sight. Woe be to me! Accordingly, the safe, distant, hint-at-tatas-und-hiney-cheekers picture. Equally on this family-friendly sight, we shall now highlight demonstrations in southern California for woman to be “free and equal” to men. That is, on a beach.

Why are these women demanding freedom and equality? Well, on a beach, men get to go topless and show their little nippies while women do not. This is clearly naked discrimination on the sands of the left coast. Or almost any public beach in these here United States of America. In support of National Topless Day (I was unaware that there was such a day), and on the shimmering sidewalks and beachs of Venice Beach (put this place on your Bucket List because you will see things that will amaze you, kinda like an open air freak show), where else, women were marching for their God-given right to share a larger-portion of their birthday suits with the rest of humanity. God bless ’em.

 While this certainly would appear to be a forward advancement in equal rights, and far be it from me to step on anyones toes, or any other vital and important body parts for that matter, one must move with great caution in this area of enhanced sunbathing. Question #1: Have you ever been to a nude beach? Question #2: If yes, would you ever go back? Question #3: If no, please pay attention to this fact of life – nude beaches can cause trauma.

Trauma Mama. In the eye of the beholder, what a piece of work is (wo)man. All natural (with an amazingly disproportionate amount of breasts being non-natural in said California area), shaped to an artists eye, and on display for everyones amusement and enjoyment…naked breasts on a beach. Bouncy bouncy, wet and wild, bring those babies over here and make me smile. But only in your head.

Reality of the nude beach clearly illustrates why clothing is a very, very good idea, even on hot  summer days. Just like everything else in life, there be good and there be bad. As a willing participant in a nude beach somewhere on a lost island in the Caribbean, your most humble and shy commentator went the free willie route. Well, I can not say for certain if my manliness a flappin’ in the sea, sun, and sand was a turn-off to anyone, but I can absolutely attest that it was not a turn-on. Nay nay, quite the contrary. Not one, not a single eyeball went my way in that “Hey hey!” type of way that we all can imagine ourselves.

Conversely, I was witness to multiple other’s private parts jiggling, bouncing, waving, and flapping while splish-splashing in the sun of the tropical isles. Previously sitting in the cold, wintery Northeast before the trip south, thoughts of just this very kind of frolicking brought smiles of anticipation to my cold, cold heart. But alas, once there on the beaches and being subject to some, not all, but some of this all nude, all the time frolicking, well, there ought to be a law! There are just some things we were not meant to see.

With all due respect, each of us is encapsulated within our temple of flesh. (Party story: A woman is attempting to drink her weight in beer. She clearly works out a great deal, thin, muscular and attractive, [a good nudie beach candidate] but appears to have a drinking problem, at least at the moment. Between guzzles, she says in a very slurred manner, “Hey! I want you to know that I treat my body like a temple! A temple!!!” A fermented yeast temple.) Most of us may even like our bodies and wish to share it with others, openly and in public. Like flashers at the local mall. But not everyone should. That’s why we have laws. To protect us. From others and ourselves.

So, a word to the wise. Freedom and equality are very good ideas…just not in all areas, regardless of what they “persecuted” believe.

Leave a Reply

Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

Affiliated Sites

Archives