Cousin DuPree and The Hummer Mom

Bonnie and Clyde live! On the run. Somewhere in Wyoming. Or Montana. Or near the Canadian border. But they are alive and kickin’. At least in their heads. There’s is no doubt that these two are different. John McCluskey, the escaped convict from a minimum security facility in Arizona, and Casslyn Mae Welch, his lover and cousin (Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13 year old cousin) are on the run. They’ve allegedly killed a couple in New Mexico by burning them to death in a camper, hi-jacked a semi and another truck, and are having a good time putting fear into everyone.

McCluskey’s two escapee companions have already been captured; one within hours of his short-term freedom, and the other being caught after stopping into a church to sing a few hymns and shake hands. Additionally, McCluskey’s 68 year old Mommy is in the slammer for aiding and abetting her son’s flight from the law. Is this fascinating or what? I must admit, I am clueless to these shenanigans. Besides the murders and escapes from prison and Mom doing her motherly thing by helping her baby boy, making love to your cousin just sounds like bad things are happening. My head hurts just thinking about that one.

Meanwhile, back on the East Coast, we have a great story of a Jet Blue flight attendant telling everyone to go forth and multiply before grabbing some beer and exiting down an emergency chute. Steven Slater popped the cork after landing at JFK in New York on Monday. The plane was arriving from Pittsburgh when Slater experienced an altercation with a passenger. It’s very possible that Slater had run into one of those warm and fuzzy Pittsburgh Steeler fans who are always a delight to run in to. Maybe he too is an NFL fan, possibly a Jets fan and they began discussing the upcoming season.

Nevertheless, Slater has been hit with a multitude of charges and is being detained at the JFK hall of detention. I hope he has more beer.

But wait! There’s more. This one is coming in late, but on New Year’s Day morning in Toledo, OH., a woman arrived at the McDonald’s drive through window at 6am for chicken McNuggets. Being it was 6am and only breakfast is served (you know the rules at McD’s!),there be no McNuggets. The woman/lady/perpetrator was not amused. She arrived at the pick-up window and assaulted the female server inside of the “restaurant”. Getting out of her car, she banged on the serving window and then attempted to crawl through the window, but could not get her leg up far enough to gain some leverage. Thus, as a final act of protest, she hurled a half (Do you see the bottle as half FULL or half EMPTY?) full/empty beer bottle through the window. I wonder if she had been drinking that beer while driving before she so carelessly deposited it into McD’s?

Well, our McNugget crazy friend received 60-days probation for her tantrum. So much for our fried chicken parts is parts girl. BUT, but, but, our loyal, faithful, dedicated, You Deserve A Break Today, So Get Up And Get Away, food server is then seen on the security camera that captured the entire event, happily serving the next customer their order! Yeah baby. Not flustered, not upset, just a normal day of serving breakfast at McDonald’s. I am, in fact, lovin’ it.

But we save the best for last, for the last shall be first in best stories. Christine Shreeve Hubbs, known to her intimate friends as “The Hummer Mom”(I’m not making that up) is charged with 67 counts of sexual assaults on teenage boys, aged 13-15 at the time. She is a 42 year old, mother of three, Morman, who is married to a dentist. She was discovered by one of her sons when he noticed that three of his friends had nude pictures of her on their cell phones. Hello Mom!

If you have not done so already, she need to read this short but eye-popping story on the provided link. Among the jokes of giving/getting hummers in a Hummer, Hubbs also allowed little boys to discharge pellet guns from her vehicle; although the little gun issue is not related to the bigger, warmer gun issue. Isn’t that sweet, happiness IS a warm gun.

You know, I just love this stuff. I’ve led such a conservative, apparently blind life. These kind of sexual trysts have been going on forever and I never knew. I just never knew. Now, I read about these things and cry from laughter. Being a guy, I just find it very hard to imagine that these to little boys were traumatized by multiple rolls-in-the-hay with an attractive, experienced, fully developed woman. She was not apparently fulfilled by her husbands drilling tools, laughing gas or not. And all in a Hummer. We are just blessed getting stories like these.

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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