It’s A Beautiful World

She’s a grande donna grassa Italiano. On Saturday night in the picturesque village of Forcoli, snuggled into the rolling hills of Tuscany near Pisa, the roly-poly, 33 year old, Angela Scognamiglio from Napoli was crowned the much coveted title of, Miss Chubby. Competition was overflowing with 30 other persone di grandi dimensioni who had to weigh in at a minimum 220 pounds. The new queen squashed that requirement, tipping the huge red scales at 374 pounds.

“I am very moved, I feel as if I’ve won the lottery, ” bellowed the winner. Founder of the contest, Gianfranco Lazzereschi, said that his contest and the other 20 that preceded it, showcases other types of beauty in women. 2500 people crowded into the event, eagerly watching the show. Contestants paraded on stage in gowns, undergarments, and for some, a bit of strip tease.

Alas, the only prize for Miss Chubby beside the title, was huge cake to be shared with everyone else. È un mondo meraviglioso!

Meanwhile, NASA says that a “large, coronal mass ejection”from the Sun is going to hit Earth on August 3rd. Whoa!  If that doesn’t sound scary, I don’t know what does. As they report, a solar flair and a filament erupted simultaneously, creating a shockwave that ejected a huge magnetic bubble of plasma into space…right at us! But alas, it reads worse than it is. Not to worry, say scientists. The only thing we can expect is some “intense aurorae” around our polar regions. Aurorae are always pleasurable, but intense aurorae will be, shall I write it? Awesome. There ya go. The first time I’ve ever used that word in a sentence. That’s just awesome in itself. I’m tingling.

Elsewhere, while the Sun was spitting solar hockers at us, a 31 year old party boy possibly did irreparable damage to his relationship with “that special someone” when he bit off the finger of his girlfriend. Apoleinar Guerro has been charged with felony battery in Lakeland, FL. for fighting with his main squeeze, grabbing her head and then chomping down to severe the finger. While he was visiting his buddies in the slammer, she was getting her finger re-attached at Lakeland Regional Medical Center. Maybe she commented on his facial hair and he took exception. Hmmmm.

In Minnesota, the Land of 10,000 Lakes, as well as electing former professional wrestlers for Governor and comedians for the US Senate, boys-will-be-boys turned bad. Two young boys built a slingshot that was very effective. Shooting baseballs, rocks, and even concrete, one kid shot the other kid in the heart with a six-pound rock – killing him. They stretched some medical nylon tubing between a pair of 9 foot tall posts and launched whatever they could find. Cause of death has yet to be established, but it is possible it was a case of traumatically poor timing.

Years ago, a young college freshman lacrosse goalie was killed in his very first collegiate game. A high school all-star player, he knew what he was doing, but missed an incoming shot straight to the heart. However, it was not that he was hit in the heart, but it was that he was hit in between heartbeats that stopped his heart cold. Many people, including professional athletes, suffer from irregular heartbeats. This condition, when discovered, must be corrected with pacemakers, because hearts like it on the beat. Funky rhythms are not what hearts enjoy, but especially when whacked in between beats. Most unfortunate.

And then there is Dr. Csaba Marosan. He is suing Trocaire College (???) in South Buffalo, NY.,  for discrimination in a quartet suit: age…gender…national origin… and sexual orientation. This is odd. Investigators says the school favors “preferential treatment of homosexual males”. Plus, they found probable cause because he had a Hungarian accent while “he was not part of a clique of younger and/or homosexual males who socialized with administrators.”

Marosan said he was fired because he is a 51 year old heterosexual. He says the school desires young homosexuals. Oh, by the way, did I mention that this a Catholic school? Do ya think that the Catholic Church has had it’s hands full over abuse of little boys worldwide by priests, and now they have a school that allegedly kicks out old, straight, white guys. Just what is in the wine?

Additionally, one student came forward to make a complaint against Dr. Marosan. But the complaint was withdrawn when it was discovered that the student was “coached” into making the complaint by Father Robert Mock, the schools associate dean for academic affairs, and a priest in the Catholic Diocese of Buffalo. Upon reflection, it would appear that the sun isn’t the only one with a “large, coronal mass ejection” problem.

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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