Extend Unemployment Benefits? Balls Thinks Not

These corkers knew the value of employment!

The temporary reprieve we have recently enjoyed from the maniacal spending on Capitol Hill came to a predictable and painful end today, when the leftys in charge swore in their newest embezzler! Newbie West Virginia Senator Carte Goodwin, aptly named since Democrats always put the spending cart in front of the fiscal horse, cast the vote to break a heroic Republican filibuster. The filibuster was put in place to prevent the foisting of trillions of dollars of debt on to future generations, a debt incurred solely for the purpose of enabling layabouts to play video games for another week.

How will we pay for this extravagance? The bureaucrats have no answers, but instead mutter rubbish about “emergency spending” and “stimulating the economy”. This cadre of clowns knows neither what constitutes an emergency nor how to stimulate anything but fear in the hearts of hard-working Americans! We will pay for this extravagance, my friends, when the long arm of the government pinches more funds from Balls and other small business owners!

Balls International Industries employs a group of resourceful minions known as Company Stooges. These morally flexible individuals blend in with regular employees to sniff out potential union activity and anti-company sentiments, and then report back to management. If Balls decided to downsize at our domestic facilities and send some stooges packing, they would subsequently be eligible for unemployment benefits. This administration would like to compensate these newly unemployed miscreants for the rest of their natural lives to do nothing but lay about and watch Dr. Phil! What would cause one of these reprobates to seek other employment? Only when the gravy train ends will the quest for a new job begin!

The contemporary unemployed make me long for the good old days, when fired workers wouldn’t dare ask for a handout! These brave souls would humbly pound the pavement in the worst of weather to grovel for even the lowliest of jobs. Occasionally Balls would see fit to bestow a temp job cleaning up an asbestos facility on one of these charmers, if for no other reason just to see the spring in his step as he bolted home with the good news! This new generation of slackers seem to believe that employment is a birthright, and even worse, that they deserve payment for not working at all!

Do we really believe that paying more milk money to sadsacks will save our economy? How many jobs will be created by putting one more doofus on the dole? Unlike handouts to ne’er-do-wells, small business incentives will yield a tangible and measurable return on investment. The only way to create jobs, my friends, is to provide an economic incentive to small business owners like Balls to hire more employees! That economic incentive must be in the form of cash subsidies and/or tax credits with no strings attached, in order to facilitate flexible deployment of capital.

It is certainly possible, even highly probable, that these government subsidies may be used to hire drones at one of our overseas plants in countries with far more reasonable labor costs (and less stringent child labor laws). We now live in a global economy, and forward-thinking citizens understand that jobs created elsewhere will eventually result in economic benefits at home!  Exports of goods produced in the U.S. will at some point rise once more, to meet increased demand from newly prosperous workers around the world. It’s a beautiful vision, but long-term gain usually entails some short-term pain. -Balls

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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