Is the Water-to-Wine Extra?

Jesus Is FOR LEASE. Well of course he is. Isn’t that the entire basis of organized religion? Called tithing, the Catholic Church asks/requests/requires that you tithe/donate/give 10% of your annual income to the Church. Most if not all denominations ask you to “give what you can/give ’til it hurts” when they pass around the collection plate. The majority of churches are non-profits/.orgs, while all of them live tax free. Some make partial donations to local governments through “in-lieu of payments”, as do colleges and other non-profits.

But it is here where I get confused. One particular behemoth health care non-profit clears in excess of $100 Million per annum. In capitalism, that’s commonly called profit. There is nothing wrong with profits or margins, but making over $100 million per year tax free is a bit disconcerting. As a non-profit, this organization must get rid of that cash to bring themselves back to zero. In the ying yang of life, they can make investments back into the community, or they could do what the Republican National Committee does – take well-heeled donors to strip clubs.

I’m sure that Jesus is there also. Jesus was one to hang out with those who needed help. In strip clubland, the variety of strip clubs is both staggering and frightening. On the upside, you will not find Jesus in your better strip clubs; He’s already been there and left. The strippers are sculpted, flexible and supple, not to mention amazingly attractive. The people who pay to get into these clubs usually have cut a pretty favorable financial deal with Jesus and are more than happy to stuff bills into very thin strings and enjoy the multiple benefits of  lap dances.

And then there’s the dark side of nudity.  Sweet Baby Dumplins – 400 Pounds of Love. That was the act that was touring strip clubs across America way back when. Part of the act included Baby leaving the stage and attempting to strangle people in the audience. That’s always a crowd pleaser. Screaming and laughing, guffawing over shots and beer, Baby had them begging for more. And more is what she had at 400 pounds, and that was being polite.

Other low end strip clubs are EEO in their hiring policies. Some have stages, some have strippers dance on the bar. The differences in male dancers and female dancers and their respective fans is really night and day. When the female dancers hit the bar to jiggle, the guys just stare. They don’t talk, or smile, or laugh, or move. They just stare. Like lions watching elk on the plains of Africa. Focused. Attentive in a comatose kinda way.

Women, on the other hand, are there to have fun: remember, girls just wanna have fun. Similar to the Baby Dumplins show, while the somewhat thin guys are loosening their ties and zippers (not quite The Chippendales, even on their best day), the ladies are screaming, laughing and guffawing over chardonnay. They are quite free with their dollar bills, stuffing, pushing, and pinching, all the while having the time of their life. No need for passing plates here, collections are doing OK.

Which makes me wonder if there is some kind of crossbreed church somewhere that features stripping in the name of Jesus. It is relatively factual that our birthday suits were created by Jesus’ Daddy, so at least in church, the theme of the body is in concert with theme of the institution, Godliness. The interpretation of the theme would be different, but isn’t that identical to each of the various denominations and their splinter groups? Yes it is.

In Disney, OK., a bunch of Evangelical Charismatics got together for an evening of prayer and just lit the place up. The band was called The Peacemakers and they had a good act! Although there was no stripping, all they had to do was say the Word and cloth would have been flying hither and fro. As it was, by the time they were deep into their set…(I beg your pardon, I mean to say, service, they were in the latter portions of their, service) they had people standing, falling, flopin’ on the floor, screamin’, talkin’ Tongues, and generally enjoying out-of-this-world experiences. ALL in the name of Jesus.

So it is not at all out of line to believe that some church is strippin’ for the Lord. Au natural. There certainly is a crowd for it. A bus company was hired to take a group of people on a four trip to the casinos in Atlantic City. Shortly after leaving town, the driver looked into his rear-view mirror and then nearly drove off the road. Other than him, the rest of the bus had stripped and was runnin’ nekked with abandon as everything God gave ’em was a flippin’ and a floppin’. That would be perfect for the RNC – Jesus and stripping in one convenient spot.

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

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