Balls Reconsiders Suffrage: The One Percent Solution

An acquaintance rambled on mercilessly the other day on the topic of the “shocking” disparity in income between the top one percent in the U.S. and those less talented. I realized about two minutes into his drivel-filled rant that he actually considers the disparity to be a source of concern! He is under the delusion that justice can only be manifest when everyone has an equal share of wealth. This rubbish is the kind of sixties-era poison that lulls the weak of will into a fog of entitlement and unfounded bitterness!

As Balls has said on many occasions, the oft-demonized one percent has a disproportionate amount of wealth for good reason: they are simply superior in the traits necessary to rise to the top in a capitalist society!  Condemning us for accumulating assets is like condemning lions for eating wildebeests! Yet our elected pack of hyenas continue to advocate stealing capital from my peers and redistributing our hard-earned wealth to the great unwashed.

Even the most clueless of the toothless, full-figured Tea Party pawns understand they are not entitled to take a better man’s property. These patriots are proving to be even more effective in advancing the Balls agenda than my paid lobbyists! They worship our Founding Fathers, curse socialism, decry higher taxes, and adore the idea of smaller government. Balls is happy to send seed money to support my ironic minions, and deeply grateful for the many hours of delightful laugh-out-loud entertainment derived from watching awkward interviews with their rank and file!

My friends, the great disparity in the distribution of talents and abilities is the primary reason why most of our Founding Fathers never intended to grant voting privileges to the great unwashed. The jackals in congress, enabled by equally detestable activist judges, have defied the original intent of our Founding Fathers by granting an equal voice to the wealthy and the poor, to the educated and the uneducated, to the worthy and the unworthy! I’m sure Adams and Hamilton are spinning in their graves!

What successful organization do you know that gives the unhappy end of the bell curve an equal voice in making critical decisions? Balls International Industries would be bankrupt if we were required to heed the advice of every stooge and disciplinarian in the executive affairs of the firm. How can we expect to elect effective leaders if we offer the ballot to simpletons who have absolutely no grasp whatsoever of important political affairs?

Balls is offering, free of charge, a solution to the ungodly predicament in which we now find ourselves. The “One Percent Solution” would grant the bottom ninety nine percent the freedom to stay home on election day to watch Jerry Springer. They would no longer be forced to pretend they have a grasp on the more difficult questions facing our great country. Instead, they could do what comes naturally: mindlessly consume copious quantities of chips while the more worthy take care of our national affairs. However, in order to recognize that we’re all in this together, the country would collect tax receipts from the first dollar of income from all citizens.

The elite, at this juncture, are forced to suffer rule by lackeys elected by twits AND to foot the entire bill for the unholy debacle! We have rightfully earned the power to appoint worthy representatives, gentlemen who possess the education and skills to better guide our great republic through these challenging times. Balls acknowledges that this concept, if not skillfully marketed, may not be well received by the vast hordes of ne’er do wells and miscreants scattered across our country. However,  an ample advertising budget and a few well-placed bribes should soon result in “One Percent Solution” placards being carried en masse by my Tea Party minions!  God bless America! -Balls

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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