We Must Extend the Bush Tax Cuts!
Stop the madness!
Balls receives thousands of letters each day from concerned citizens across this great country of ours. Why is the unemployment rate still hovering around ten percent, you query? Why does my quarterly 401(k) statement make me weep uncontrollably, you ponder? Why can’t I pry my thirty year old son from the couch in my basement, you snivel? These questions all have a common answer, my friends: We must extend the Bush tax cuts!
Small business owners like Balls International Industries simply will not add new staff when there is uncertainty surrounding important variables like tax rates. Why would Balls even consider hiring even one new stooge when the IRS will be embezzling an even larger chunk of the Balls family income next year?
Estimated 2010 Balls personal income subject to highest marginal tax rate = $26,000,000
Amount IRS Jackals used to steal under Bush rates @35% = $9,100,000
Amount IRS Jackals will steal if Bush tax cuts expire @39.6% = $10,296,000
Net amount drained from Balls next year if Bush tax cuts expire = $1,196,000
Do you think that taking a million dollar haircut is going to put Balls or any other small business owner in the mood to hire? Quite the contrary! Instead, My yes men will be casting lots to decide which drones to send packing!
The Dow is down a few thousand points over the last three years, which is one of the primary reasons your 401(k) will barely cover the donuts for your miserable retirement party! Why, you ask? There is no easy answer, but it is largely due to three reasons. First, the U.S. government forced our great financial institutions to give mortgages to unworthy spendthrifts who had no business owning a home. These same bottom-feeding scoundrels are now “walking away” from the godawful shacks that our fine bankers were forced to finance just a few years ago! Second, this new administration has piled vile and pernicious regulations on the backs of small business owners like Balls. The new health care reforms and new consumer protection measures have Balls moving jobs overseas to greener pastures like Bangladesh, Sudan, and North Korea! Finally, my fellow entrepreneurs and I would rather be cast into the sea penniless than cough up more taxes next year to support the pack of bastards in Congress who are running this once great country of ours into the gutter!
Believe it or not, there is an even greater path to prosperity than simply extending the Bush tax cuts. In the best of worlds, your newly invigorated son could leap off the basement couch to enter a vibrant jobs market if the lackeys in our government were to wake up and implement a flat tax of 10%! In fairness, this flat tax should be effective from the first dollar of income, so every American pulls his or her weight. Even the fellow pushing the shopping cart and offering my driver a squeegee should cough up ten percent of his ill-gotten gains. For those gifted mathematicians among you, Balls would pocket an extra $7,000,000 or so in this scenario, just enough to get me to construct new nuclear waste facilities all over this great land of ours! Happy days would be here once again! -Balls
