Probing Pigeon Poster

Recently we discussed useless How To books and the various ways to waste time, money, paper and ink printing them. But wait! Questions and comments arose from one particular How To book: How To Pee Standing Up for Women. Now I must admit, I had not given this particular area of life a whole lot of thought, but some inquiring comments came in from readers, whom we shall call: Probing Pigeon Posters! PPP for short.

Peeing while standing up is empowering,” said one woman. Asking if she pees while standing up often, she regrettably replied no with sadness in her voice. We did, we did, we did show a picture of a peeing-device for women that “empowers” them to actually pee while standing up, but this was of no interest to her. Nevertheless, I am now curious as to how many women really desire to relieve themselves while standing.

On a similar note, another PPPer wrote to ask how one goes about looking for women who pee standing up, asking the writer to elaborate. This original article made some kind of reference to searching for these women, but it was done in jest; I mean really. Not that there’s anything wrong with this desire or habit, but I have no idea how you would search for this type of person. Well actually, there are a few bars that attract a certainly manly-man type of “female” whom, I’d bet, stands while peeing, handy device or not.

You might have met one or two. One young “lady” who fits this description was one tough Som’B. She drove a big — REALLY BIG — pick-up truck with the kind of tires and suspension that, if a guy was driving it, would tell everyone that he had no penis what-so-ever. Loud and obnoxious when running, a “Hey everybody, look at me” type of truck. Except this was a woman; or so she claimed?!? She basically shaved her head, favored biker-type jeans and leather jackets.  Of course, she had the mandatory keys and wallet on a metal chain attached to her leather/metal belt, which was thick and could be used as a weapon in times of need. Her constant companion was an unbelievably strong German Shepherd, full grown beast, adorned by a dog collar with spikes — With Spikes! If she had lived in the western 1880’s she’d be legendary as a gunslinger. We’d be reading about her today, killing men by the dozens while saving innocent fair maidens from those wretched, well, men.

Of course, other than sexual preferences and personal political statements, there are places where even a guy does not want to pee, much less be forced to sit down. Go to an outdoor rock’n’roll concert or a college football game’s gigantic tailgate party to see what I mean. We’re talkin’ thousands of mildly-to-very drunk people who are merely renting their alcohol, pouring it in the top, storing it for a few moments, and then quickly expelling it from the system in a way that may not be quite so accurate aiming. And then, if the sight of the inside of a porta potty is tough enough, the smell is downright deadly. Holding your breath while inebriated is not easy, but the gaseous stench of portable johns, particularly on hot summer days, forces the issue.

Normally, the concerns of the home bathroom are a private affair. One notable exception was Lyndon B. Johnson, 36th President of these here United States whom it is told liked to hold meetings while using the room of rest. Some kind of power thing. After all, he was the President, and other than himself, just who did he have to impress? So anyway, going to the “little boys and girls” room is usually a best kept secret between the bathroom and it’s occupant. But not at outdoor drink-a-thons. There, we get to see, in living color, whatever had been living and growing inside another human being. It is now out of that person and on display for the rest of mankind. For some people, this is not a concern. While for others, it is as close to death as we want to get. The sights, smells, and even sounds from next door, make a very natural daily occurrence, an extremely difficult act of courage, skill, and determination.

And all of this, brought back to our attention, again, by PPPers. Can we now please give it a rest? There are so many other subjects to cover. Such as that young man off Long Island this past weekend who went fishing…for sharks…and caught one…and then was bitten by the shark…because he stuck his arm in the sharks mouth to get his hook back! He is 20 years old. ‘Nuff said.

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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