Archive for July, 2010

Small Winery Fever Rages in America

Small Winery Fever Rages in America

Most Americans are confused and intimidated by wine. There is a vast array of choices on the wine shelves. Many consumers have very incomplete knowledge of wine and the confusing array of descriptive terms. Wine is a complicated tasting experience that is different for every person. The higher prices for wine than other beverages make it riskier to try something you have never tasted. Thus, consumers are quite likely to buy brands they have had before or that the wine press has given good ratings. Since the American wine industry separated its brand from European wines by using grape cultivar names (called varietal wines, an interesting marketing story for another conversation), consumers may buy one of two or three varietal wines [Read the rest of this article...]

A Unique Acquisition

A Unique Acquisition

Consider the possibilities! Balls International Industries will own approximately one-fifth of the world’s fresh surface water! Millions of new clients will have the pleasure of relying on my better nature for their drinking water! The shipping lanes will be bustling once again with cargo ships whisking payloads of PCBs and thalidomide in and out of our great ports! Our national quest for energy independence can finally be realized with rigorous oil exploration and drilling throughout these grand waters! [Read the rest of this article...]

Doomsday

Doomsday

So imagine their disappointment when He did not show for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. All that time and preparation and he doesn't even call. But they called it, The Great Disappointment. That's pretty clever, isn't it. [Read the rest of this article...]

Demanding The Terms Of Defeat

Demanding The Terms Of Defeat

Progressives are making a career out of making politics difficult. To be sure, governing in the presence of the Republicans is quite a chore. The GOP's idea of bipartisanship is clear; do it our way or we will gum up the works, hold our breath, and call you names. But liberals and democrats aren't making it easy on themselves. The Democratic Party and the liberal blogosphere has taken to the same strategies with regards to "new stuff' as the ten year-olds of the world; "I absolutely have to have this new great toy or I will just die!" [Read the rest of this article...]

Elections America-Style: Show Me The Money!

Elections America-Style: Show Me The Money!

This is the definition of two things; the lengths to which Republicans will go to defeat anything proposed by Democrats and/or the President, and the lengths to which Republicans will go to ensure that corporate money is available to them without public disclosure. The GOP knows that if the public finds out; that they are denying climate change because oil and coal interests are paying them to do so; that they fought against health insurance and pharmaceutical reform because those industries were paying them to do so; that they challenged banking and Wall Street regulation because the money men told them to do so; if these things come to light, the GOP is finished. [Read the rest of this article...]

Food, Glorius Food + Stone

Food, Glorius Food + Stone

If bad sushi and chicken doesn't turn you off, this will - the Candwich...a sandwich in a can. A sandwich in a can? If you are so inept or lazy or both, that the process of making a sandwich is beyond your abilities, then you do not desire to eat. The New York Times reports that the Candwich remains in development and may be ready to market by the end of the year, yet, who wants it? Eating some of those vending machine mystification's that you find in factories, office buildings, and airports stretch the limits of quick cuisine pretty far, but then to go one step further and stuff 'em in a can? [Read the rest of this article...]

Prisons: A Growth Industry!

Prisons: A Growth Industry!

My friends, it is in the best interest of our shareholders to increase enrollment and to lengthen the average stay at one of our facilities. The real sweet spot of our target market involves common crimes committed by common folk who can’t afford competent legal counsel. Our lobbying arm has done an outstanding job at influencing government lackeys to increase minimum mandatory sentences for theft, drugs, and other common offenses. What politician wants to be portrayed as “soft on crime” in a Balls-sponsored television commercial? If this industry continues to trend favorably, we envision a future where upwards of ten percent of the U.S. population are long-term guests in our pristine facilities! [Read the rest of this article...]

God Gave Rock’n’Roll, and Pigeons, to You

God Gave Rock’n’Roll, and Pigeons, to You

Well, God also created pigeons, whom apparently find fault with the Kings of Leon. The pigeons expressed their musical opinions while literally pooping all over them on-stage Friday night in St. Louis from their perches high above in the Verizon Amphitheater. Depending on which report that you read, one has the birds defecating over all the musicians that night. [Read the rest of this article...]

Energizing Facts

Energizing Facts

Republicans are telling the truth on cap and trade because they know we Americans have become terrified of T-A-X. They spend their time screaming about "our grandchildren" because they know that we, as a society, are focused more on the paperwork we leave our children, and less on the legacy we leave our children. [Read the rest of this article...]

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

Animated Balls: A New Frontier!

Piers Morgan & the White House Conspire Against Alex Jones!

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