Burger Diplopmacy

It’s arrived. The dream of Utopia.  All peoples, black, yellow, red, white, and olive, live together in harmony. Although it is/shall be derided globally, it is understood and accepted that the correct and socially accepted meeting of the educated minds is – Burger Diplomacy. This time, at Ray’s Hell Burgers in Arlington, Virginia. Ray’s is so big, so important, that Ray’s does not even bother to have their own website. Website! WTF! No website? No Tweeter? No Faciebookie? Being so culturally inept, it leaves one to seriously wonder if this is a part of some Communist plot to overthrow the Western World? What kind of burgers could they serve if they are not “culturally” hip? Where is the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs when you need them?

Well, maybe they are a part of some Communist plot. Our current President, Barack “OK fine, so just where is my birth certificate?” Obama is seen in public sharing french fries with the President of Russia, Dmitry Medvedev. Sharing french fries is so “second date”. Two of the most powerful (parful– in Pennsylvania Dutch terms) human beings on the planet, sitting down with plebeians and peasants for cheeseburgers and fries in the middle of the afternoon. Can you just imagine that conversation?

Following discussions on nuclear proliferation… ‘member? President Jimmy Carter had those talks with his 12-year-old daughter Amy. Obama: Yeah yeah yeah, whatever. How ’bout some burgers and fries?

Medvedev: What’s a burger and fries?

Obama: No wonder you’re so tight. We need burgers! (And a Coke.) Call the Secret Service – to Hell I say!

And off they went. This is not the first time POTUS, the President Of The United States, has deserted Washington for burgers (“If you want a friend, get a dog.” – Harry Truman, 33rd POTUS) in Arlington. Earlier in BA’s administration, the man who is a “heart beat away” from the “most powerful job in the world”, Vice President Joe Biden, accompanied the President to Five Guys in Arlington for lunch. Have you been to Five Guys?

You walk in, order a burger (with lots of free stuff on top) and fries, take a seat and wait for your number. When they call it, you are in for a real treat. The burger that you ordered comes as a double-burger. Two burgers between one bun. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. With fries. But not just an order of fries. They deliver about three orders of fries. True, this is what they serve you. A double burger with three orders of fries? Would YOU take somebody there if you were doing a sales job on them? Well, would ya? It’s a rhetorical question.

So the POTUS takes both the VP and the President of Russia out for burgers and fries (and a Coke). What is not to like about this guy? OK, yeah yeah yeah, his policies are dramatically similar to his predecessor, Bush #43. Guantanamo Bay remains open (“My first act“), the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan continue unchecked, and the legal issue of habeus corpus and our Constitution is quietly suspect inundated in the oil soaked waters of the Gulf of Mexico. So it goes.

But he’s a burger guy. How ’bout that, so was Billy Clinton. And we all know what hedid/got in office. There are people who will argue that every rock’n’roll song ever, has been written about getting hum jobs (not that there is anything wrong with that).  For those of you old enough to remember, The Association wrote about marijuana and sexual pleasures, ala Windy: “Who’s bending down to give me a rainbow?” Ah, youth…and being POTUS.

Can you imagine if all conflicts could be negotiated over burgers and fries? North Korea. Somalia. Iran. Iraq. Afghanistan. Pick one.  We, as Americans, appear to be hell bent on enforcing our culture and values (values?) on the rest out the world. Let it be burgers. Rice schmice. Taco schmacko. Get that foreign (PC: International) leader to travel to Arlington, VA. for burgers and fries (and a Coke) and now we are talkin’ turkey. A great many world leaders sent their kids to America for an education anyway, so by way of osmosis, they know the inherent value of ground beef with stuff on top. The dream of every beauty queen and Sandra Bullock, World Peace.

McDonald’s; Wendy’s; Burger King; Five Guys; your local grease palace. THIS, my friends, is where real world peace and diplomacy can be reached. Barack Obama knows the path to success. If FDR had taken Hitler to a greasy spoon, what if? If JFK had taken Ho Chi Minh out for, well, maybe not him, but you know what I mean.

World Peace = Jimmy Buffet’s Cheeseburger in Paradise. It’s up to you.

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