Observations at 80 MPH

Interesting day on the highways. Besides the normal multi-tasking that virtually everyone does while driving –  make-up, shaving, cell phone conversations,texting, screaming, singing, etc., today on the highways was an adventure.

At Taco Bell, a young man just could not wait to go into Taco Bell. Or maybe he had already been in Taco Bell and was back outside, just expressing himself. He was taking a leak/pee/urinating right in back of the restaurant. In broad daylight. Most localities have laws against this sort of thing. Which is why it was so entertaining seeing the cop in his car doing police-paperwork on the other side of publicly-exposed leaker, oblivious to the law being broken only a few feet from where he sat.

The leaker must not have seen the cop because of the thick bushes separating the two. Certainly the cop was unaware of it. And even if someone told the cop, he could not have done anything about it. Realistically, how long does it take to deflate ones bladder, particularly if they are in a hurry and not dilly-dallying? This type of thing occurs all the time in big cities, but not too often in your smaller ‘burgs. But that was the lesser of the events.

Earlier in the day, heading east at 69 miles per hour (cruise control, just a tad over the speed limit), a fairly large delivery truck went zooming past at approximately 80 mph. No big deal. The normal speed on this 65 mph speed limit road is 75-80. If you’re doing 65, you’re left in the dust. So 69 ain’t so hot, is it?

This big white truck (#801 to be exact – the company shall go nameless – it was not the company’s fault – except that they hired this guy), at approximately 80 mph, flying east in the passing lane, left the passing lane. Into the median strip. At 80 mph. Two axles with four tires on  the back and two on the front, went careening into the median strip. Bouncing up and down, rocking back and forth. It was more than obvious that this flying hunk of metal was out-of-control and heading straight through the median strip and into the on-coming traffic, heading west.


The median strip sloped toward the middle for water runoff with a gentle curve at the bottom. It was pretty wide for a median strip, but not wide enough. Several tons of white delivery truck had somehow bounced through that median without flipping onto it’s side or worse. Still, it was now heading east in the passing lane of the westbound traffic. As you might imagine, this caused some concern for those other people traveling at 80 mph towards a head-on dinner date with their Maker.

Well, cars start hitting their brakes with vigor. As multiple cars began zigging and zagging from emergency stopping and the irrefutable laws of centrifugal force, they faced multiple dilemmas. The big white truck was coming on strong for a possible head-on date with destiny, but that front windshield view was complicated by the huge tractor-trailer that had joined the fray quickly closing the gap in their rear-view mirrors. This was going to be one heck of mess and soon.

Yet somehow, the initiator of this highway chaos gained control and headed back into the median strip, saving somebody’s life by eliminating the head-on smash up. By the way, any car that would have hit the white truck head-on would have lost. Plus, the fast approaching tractor-trailer would have closed the deal by sandwiching anything and anyone between them and the white truck. So lives were saved. They were probably shortened by a few years from extreme stress and the life passing before your eyes syndrome, but the white truck was now heading back from whence it came.

Everyone had slowed considerably in the eastbound lanes while watching the impending deathtrap smashup play out in the west bound lanes. This gave the white truck more than enough leeway to re-enter the highway in the passing lane without hindrance. The westbound lanes were into a whole nother act. The tractor-trailer who had applied the brakes heavily was now sending up a smoke screen, blinding and choking all of the cars that were now scattered here and there from there own frantic brush was Dr. D.

You would think that the driver of the white truck would prefer to pull off the highway and re-group. Most people would need time to get a hold of their nervous systems after shooting staggering loads of adrenaline at high speeds through them. If nothing else, he need to pull over just to clean out his pants. But he didn’t. He pulled into the right lane and quickly came up to speed. He was smoking a cigarette and appeared none-the-worse for his near-death experience.

Within 3 miles of his event, he was back at 80+ mph. He never stopped to check on the other people he nearly killed. He never stopped to just re-group or maybe wake-up. He just kept smoking his cigarette. Maybe one of us will get to see his face again soon – head-on.

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

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Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

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Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

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