President Barton

It is rare indeed to find a man of such boldness and wisdom toiling away in the public sector! Texas Representative Joe Barton, who surely has a management position waiting for him at Balls International Industries when he decides to become gainfully employed, briefly lit a candle in the darkness of Capitol Hill yesterday with his sweet, elegant apology to the unjustly accused, vastly under-appreciated BP CEO Tony Hayward. Who is this visionary, and where was he when Balls was rousted from bed and “shaken down” by that ravenous pack of jackals on so many occasions?

It was plain to all who were listening yesterday that Hayward has already suffered far too much for the “crime” of being a successful businessman. How long must his good name be sullied before enough is enough? Balls was truly shocked by this gentleman’s calm demeanor and quiet charm in the face of such abject injustice! I would not be surprised to learn that Tony had been arrested while praying in the Garden of Gethsemane!


Conspicuously absent from this kangaroo court was the simple and appropriate expression of gratitude to Hayward for supplying precisely what this country has been pining for: jobs. BP has single-handedly reduced the rolls of the unemployed in the Gulf area by creating a plethora of jobs paying the kinds of wages not seen in those parts since the heyday of moonshine! The entire southern economy has benefited from a marked uptick in pelican-washing jobs, boom-floating jobs, sand-sifting jobs, etc., etc.  Of course, the vast majority of new jobs are created by small businesses like BP and Balls International. Unfortunately, the requisite gratitude and accompanying tax credits for such job creation have been painfully, glaringly absent.

This country could use a few more good men like Barton! If he plays his cards right by selecting a similarly gifted, courageous running mate – perhaps Minnesota’s Michelle Bachmann – the sky is the limit! Balls is sending a generous, no-strings-attached donation to our future President before he is bullied into apologizing for his uncommon act of valor. -Balls

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Animated Balls: Election 2012

Episode 1: It's Hard to Choose Just One

Episode 2: Occupy Wall Street

Episode 3: 999! The Cain Train to Prosperity

Episode 4: Small Government

Episode 5: Newt is Forgiven

Episode 6: A Candidate with Big Balls

Episode 7: Why We Must Elect Rick!

Episode 8: Don't Make Me Use the "S" Word!

Episode 9: Santorum & Obamaville

Episode 10: Settle for Mitt!

Episode 12: Austerity and Obama's Debt!

Episode 13: From My Cold, Dead Hands!

Episode 14: Ryan is a Bold Choice for VP!

Episode 15: Mitt Romney's Taxes

Episode 16: Mitt & Me; 2 Peas in a Pod!

Episode 17: Mitt and the 47%

Episode 18: The PA Voter ID Law

Episode 19: The Boss is Running!

Episode 20: Benghazi Has Legs

Episode 21: Grover, the NRA, and the GOP

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