The Unspoken Truths of the BP Mishap

There’s been an abundance of weeping and gnashing of teeth regarding the recent mishap in the Gulf, and the majority of the dialogue has been predictably shrill and alarmist; with a blatantly obvious leftist spin. It’s difficult to divine which one of the long litany of grievances is most annoying. Is it the class warfare propaganda leveled at the good folks in senior management at BP,  the utterly heartbreaking loss of so much valuable Louisiana sweet crude, the tree-huggers’ hand-wringing over a few shiny pelicans, or the sharp diminution in value of the BP shares in my trust fund?

Let us consider the petty class warfare aspects of the national diatribe first. It’s lonely at the top, and it is especially lonely when there’s blood in the water (oil in this case). BP CEO Tony Hayward, who has conducted himself with grace and poise throughout the course of this unhappy misfortune, has been ruthlessly painted as a villain primarily because of class envy. Trust me; the tidy fortune that separates me from the great unwashed has often been the source of evil wishes of the less worthy among us.


Watching the heartbreaking plume of sweet crude escape that unfortunately defective pipeline makes me long for those catchy chants of “Drill, Baby, Drill!”. Of course, the economic realities of the inventory depletion have yet to be grasped by the nitwits propped up as “experts” by the media. The cleanup costs unfairly imposed on BP will simply be passed on to consumers when they fill up their hideous economy cars at the pump. What’s the answer, you ask? It would make pure economic sense to use taxpayer money for the entire cleanup, and also for the necessary public relations blitz to restore BP’s unfairly soiled image. I would be more than remiss if I didn’t mention the much-needed reduction of onerous corporate taxes, the pressing need for further deregulation, and the absolutely necessary increase in subsidies to oil exploration companies as additional critical components of the post-setback recovery plan.

Finally, is it truly necessary for everyone south of the Mason-Dixon line to be beating the bushes for dirty birds to shamelessly display on camera? Let’s not forget that wildlife routinely eat one another and deal with threats far more brutal than a few oily feathers. Yet we insist on thrusting every tarnished pigeon that can be caught napping near the water on to the national news! I’m fairly certain that many of these so-called victims have died natural deaths, and have merely been dipped in crude for their fifteen minutes of posthumous fame! My only hope is that the masses will soon tire of viewing oiled seagulls being hand-washed by twits so they can return to consuming copious quantities of chips while ogling the “Housewives of the Florida Panhandle”.  -Balls

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